“At the cross, on the mount,
Where the Savior died.
Grace declared, with a shout,
God is satisfied!
Shame is slain,
Hope is found, in His final breath.
Pain is crushed, what a sound,
Now my soul can finally rest…At the cross.”
This song continues… “let freedom reign in us.”
My friend, and kindred spirit, Melanie Bradley, passed away this weekend. I was soaking my mind in my pain, listening to these lyrics tonight when it struck me, this is exactly the message Mel modeled for me. We became friends rather unexpectedly. She snuck into my life, a friend of a friend, and her intentional pursuit of me, and my culinary skills, endeared her to me.
Mel was like that. She could see pain and potential in other people, and she wanted to be part of the process of both. As we got to know each other, we realized we had had very similar, painful growings up. And that common history gave us great understanding. I could say things to her, things about what I was thinking, how I was feeling, and I didn’t have to explain them – she just got it.
She was generally one step ahead of me…she got married first, had a baby first. But we did so much of our “Figuring out” together. We’d read the same book, and talk for hours on the phone about it. Trying to figure God, our husbands, and ourselves out. And just having a traveling companion to do that…whether in Art Apprec, or in her kitchen, or on the phone, was just a miraculous part of my becoming.
I’m not entirely sure who I’m gonna call when my roast chicken doesn’t turn out, or my husband does something entirely manish and abnormal, or when I find that absolutely perfect cup of coffee. I’ll probably make a mental note, because damn it, in heaven, we’re gonna have a lot of catching up to do.
And true to form, Mel beat me to glory. She's there, singing her heart out to the One who’s pursuit of love she emulated while she was here. And honestly, I had been thinking a lot about that lately… about our process of becoming, and what our life points to. And it seems fitting, with the new year coming, and as a tribute to her, to share some of that here.
Mel and I had been talking recently about feeling “solid” for the first time in our lives. Like we were realizing who God created us to be…letting go of the ties that held us back, of the memories and habits, and voices that determined our reality, and relying on His grace (a place I doubtful would have reached if not for the gift of her friendship). She had this concept of our freedom in Christ…a freedom that was greater than our shame, self or others inflicted, greater than our weakness or pain. A freedom that allowed us to accept ourselves, and love other people. A freedom that inspired ingenuity, and just didn’t accept no for an answer. From herself, or anyone. She knew where her soul could rest, and she pointed towards that place with her life.
It’s a journey that Mel has now completely perfected. She is encapsulated now in the immense glory and grace of our Savior, in complete rest. And as it was on my heart anyway, and seems even more fitting as a tribute to Melanie’s life, I want to make a concerted concentration (note: NOT effort) towards that end myself this year. I don’t think that this side of glory, we ever find complete rest, but I think there is true rest to be found.
My goal for this blog was to search for beauty. Coming out of a painful, dark time, I needed the light that beauty offered. And that idea still compels me. But there is more than just beauty to be sought. I think what my soul craves is REST…and there are so many, many ways that our Abba has provided His children with the opportunity for rest here. In beauty, and in so many other things. So this coming year, here’s my slightly pre-emptive resolution: I want to allow my soul to be aware of beauty and rest around me. I want that freedom that Christ offers, to define my life, and compel my relationships. I want to be the kind of friend that Mel was. Because I am going to miss her like crazy, but in remembering her, and continuing to learn from her example, her death has purpose, and that makes this all a little bit better.
